“The victim’s cello was still inside the car.” That seemed right. He was one of the most brilliantly talented people I have known. When I read it I wondered unconsciously if it could be the same cello I had seen him play Hendrix tunes on in high school.
His death fanned memories to life. I remember how he played basketball, how determined he was, how his tall, skinny self seemed to flow in between the defenders to get the shot. I remember how he played one game with a metal pin stuck through his shattered middle finger to stabilize it. And I remember how he didn’t think it was a big deal.
I remember him playing Hendrix’s “Red House” on the piano, while I tried to keep up on guitar.
I remember how he looked perpetually disheveled, how he was always running late, always charmingly distracted, always smiling. Always the one to laugh first and loudest. Always headed somewhere.
And then he would focus. Seeing him play the cello was to see very nearly a different person, hunched over his instrument, eyes locked on the music, his long, thin fingers pulling music out of the strings and wood of the cello. And then, after the last note, a smile would signal the return of his old person. I hadn’t seen him in years.
The comment section of the online article was a compendium of reactions.
“There are folks in this world whom you think you know but have many demons. It is so sad.”
“…I do wonder about what his reason was for being in that complex at that time of night. It is not a place to be if you don’t live there.”
“I knew him since he was five years old…”
“…He went to our church and we all got to know him real well. He performed for us many times. I very seriously doubt he was into anything bad, as he was a very serious believer.”
“As long as this ineffective, idiotic ‘war on drugs’ continues, so will incidents like this.”
There are many ways to try to understand the thing, to give it meaning. From afar, its meaning might seem to be a social one, the meaning that the last comment above lays on it. But the closer to the thing you get, the more it becomes evident that the only important meanings involve loss. A family lost a son, a brother. A symphony lost a cellist. An audience lost his music. He lost his life.
The details offer a false promise of explanation. A 1998 Camry, 12:05 AM, two gunshots, a cello in the backseat. But the way he lost his life means little except perhaps that he, like all of us, struggled with his humanness and sometimes lost. None of us win that battle all the time. I am sure that he won sometimes, as well.
For myself, I will remember the cello in the back seat, and that he performed with the symphony a few hours before he died.
He was unique, and human, and he played the cello.